Masaru turns 16

 So this happened.

Masaru turned 16. It's hard to watch your kids grow up but then it's also exactly what you want to see as well. So there's just growing pains with that I guess.

I wrote what the day was like underneath on facebook. I'm glad I did because I can't remember anything he did on the day because now it's the next month.

He got a lot of practical things. Like underwear and rugby stuff and some clothes. He was happy.

I can't believe how big he's getting.

I can't get the pictures to move to their right places so you'll have to scroll down to see what else happened on that day hahaha

We took him to get a cinnamon roll. I guess that's our new tradition with him since we started three years ago. He hasn't forgotten and reminded us that that's what we needed to do that day hahaha

More rugby stuff and socks and a cap.

He wanted this wind breaker jacket. He likes it and wears it all the time.

Here's a video of him playing the piano. This song is called 'I'm still standing' by Elton John. I love it.

Masaru had a party with his friends and it was a semi disaster.

His friends can drive now and so they took off and did who knows what.

We got a concerned text from a parent and we had to give the boys the hard word. Dru and I didn't have a pleasant night that night and stayed up till around 3:45am making sure those boys were safe and asleep. The girls all left before midnight, or so we thought, then there were more girls who turned up so we got them home. Then there were MORE girls who turned up so we had to tell them to leave around 1:30am. It was crazy. Word must've gotten out that there was a party going on I guess.

Well I was the party pooper, let's just put it that way. I wasn't impressed with Masaru's friends at all and I'll never do a sleep over party again. Game changer when they can drive I guess. Lesson learned.

Dru made sushi for all of them and ramen and I made some pina colada cupcakes and snacks for upstairs where they slept in the top of Dru's shop. 

This birthday and since then has been hard for Masaru. He's made some minor mistakes that he's paying for. While I can see a change in him for the better it's been a rough road to do the right thing. He has one particular 'friend' that is punishing him for it and it's hurting Masaru. Suffice it to say that Masaru is making friend changes for the better and after some soul searching is moving forward with different friends and a different perspective. I'm grateful for these new friends and for Masaru having options. I'm also grateful he's playing rugby and keeping active. That also helps him. I think the more Masaru is exercising, the better he does. The teen years can be painful and watching Masaru these last 6 weeks being punished, has been one of the most difficult times in my life. It's hard for me not to take his hurts on board. So I suffer. The bullying from this 'friend' was amped up even more so these last couple of weeks, so much so we had to change Masaru's classes to stay away from this person. Masaru is feeling safer now and I'm doing a little better. I basically stopped eating and sleeping for a week. I'm still recovering from this trauma and need to process it for a little while longer before I can move forward. These so called friends stood by and watched all the bullying happen and said nothing. This is why we encouraged Masaru to make new friends who actually are kind and caring and who aren't bystanders to bullying. I think Masaru understands now what a good friend looks like and I've been praying daily for this bully and his family. That's helping me heal. I'm glad Masaru is dropping these friends because I don't think I could handle seeing any of them any time soon. Masaru's not perfect, I know this, but he doesn't deserve to be bullied, I know that much. I think this will give Masaru a new perspective on life and hopefully help him to never be a bystander, to always know there's two sides to a story and to be kinder to people and less judgmental you know. It's always through our trials that we learn the most. I know this will help him to be more resilient so he can move forward with more tools in his belt for life. He got a lot of support from people he reached out to that were safe and I think that helps. For as much as this bully is trying to tear him down, he has all these other people lifting him up so he knows he's not alone. I think that's key. With my father comiting suicide, it's an irrational fear of mine that dances around the back of my head with this bullying going on.

 I've done a lot of studying around all of this and have realized I have trauma from my childhood that is coming into play with all of this. That's my stuff to deal with. I also was semi bullied and looked back to try and figure out how I got through it, because I didn't tell my parents to have support from my siblings. I went through it alone. So how did I do that and not go into a dark place? I've come up with a couple of things. First I felt like  had a purpose. I was smart and good at sports and enjoyed that. Second I had a good sense of self. I knew I was a daughter of God and was loved by Heavenly Father. That helped me to have someone to go to express all my pain and to gain strength. I really thing Heavenly Father helped me feel good about myself so I could face life's trails with an inner strength that I needed to fight life's battles.

 I look at Masaru and what he's going through and all the support he has and wonder if he has a good sense of self and a sense of purpose? I'm not 100% sure what his relationship with HF is but we've had discussions over the last few weeks about his belief system and it seems to be getting stronger now that he's making changes in his life. It's been nice to watch that side of it, while crushing to watch the other side of it I guess. 

 It's like watching my son from the sidelines grow into a stronger person by seeing him get beaten down to nothing, crying because you can't help much, so you cheer from the sidelines to 'get up' 'you got this' 'look at everyone who loves you' 'we believe in you' 'don't give up' 'look to us, not to them' and then watching him look up and focus on all he has and all were saying and him realizing he can do it, so slowly getting up and dusting himself off, even with stones still being thrown at him, and seeing him pick up a shield to start deflecting the stones so they have no power over him anymore and walking away from the stone throwing while we all cheer him on. 

We've all done a lot of learning and growing over the last six weeks and as painful as it's been, I don't think I'd change it for the results it's yielded and I don't say this lightly as this last week has been one of the toughest in my entire life. Just when I think I'm getting through all my trauma's life throws you another curve ball right?

I think it's so important not to numb our feelings and just get busy ignoring them. I think it's important to make a plan and listen to your body and figure out how to move forward, but I believe that only truly happens when we do the hard yards of looking within to see what's really going on and allowing ourselves to feel that deeply for a while. I'm a sharer, so I share about my good and bad days. Other people are not sharers, like Dru, and so no one knows about his days or his trials or his struggles and he likes it that way. Both are right and wrong depending on how you look at it, we just have to find what's right for us.

Am I worried about the next couple of years of highschool with Masaru? Of course I am. But after this, I think he might just make it through. I have to hope. I'm really grateful for these new boys who are pulling Masaru into their group. What a bunch of rockstars. Masaru's been very honest with them and they know everything about him, flaws and all. No judgement, just kindness from them which has helped my hope that not all teen boys are horrible. 

He's changing his youth group as well. So that will help as these new boys are in his youth group and they're excited to have him. 

So 16 so far has been brutal for Masaru, but let's hope the worst is behind us.

I'm grateful Masaru is a part of our family. He's a hard worker, talented, kind, fun, soft natured and loves the Lord. 

I hope the rest of the year goes well for him.

I love him so much which is why this past 6 weeks has been so hard on me, well that and the fact I'm a total empath right!!!!

I'll be ok.

Go team Masaru, here's to a brighter future.

Emiko turns 9

 Emiko turned 9 this year and wanted a chocolate and vanilla layered cake with strawberries in between and on top. So that's what we did. It was yummy.

She had friends over for her party. She got lots of great things and was very happy.

She wanted nail polish.

She also wanted this blanket and we got her some books to read.

Takeshi also made her this beautiful crane decorations with money and notes at the bottom of it. So wonderful of him.

She got some colouring in pages that we worked on.

Here she is reading Takeshi's notes.

The party was so crazy Takeshi fell asleep, or at least faked falling asleep.

She loves her stuffed toys. Her friends got her a few more to add to the collection.

Some family pictures.

Emiko had a wonderful time with her friends watching movies and playing all night and eating.

We're sad she couldn't get baptized this past Christmas so she's going to wait another year until this Christmas to see if NZ opens up.

Emiko is wonderful to have in our family.

She has an amazing voice and she loves her siblings. She likes to be around them, but sometimes struggles to find her place.

She has great friends and loves to be with them. She loves to draw and is very good at it. She loves jewelry and wears her rings she brought in Georgia all the time. She's trying her best at school and is looking forward to playing soccer this season. She likes to snuggle with Dru and I and we try to give her as many as she needs.

We're all very blessed to have her in our lives and are glad that we got to celebrate her. She's a total sweetie and we're all happy she's a part of our lives.

Love you koko

Mum xx

Bogus brothers, baking, mates and more.

 Masaru caught up with his mates when he got home. I took a sneaky video of them all on the tramp. It was pretty cute. At the time I felt really grateful that he has a good group of friends. Since this video some things have changed, however, and I'm not so convinced they're good friends. It's hard for me to watch Masaru navigate his way through highschool and I'm constantly worried about him. Somehow I have to let it al go and move forward in faith that he knows what he's doing and that he'll be ok. That's hard for me to do. It's like I've emptied my mind from one toxic topic, body hate and food fear, only to have this worry about Masaru move in and take over my mind. I have a problem man and I need to figure it out. While I'm glad he's sorting out his friendships and what are good ones and bad ones and who to hang out with and who not to hang out with, it's hard for my heart guys. I just want people to see his heart and to love him. But I have no control over that. One of his mates got in his face and dropped the f bomb at him telling him everything bad in this kids life is Masaru's fault and that Masaru is stupid. I can't have Masaru around that kind of person. So he's taken him out of his life and fair enough. It's pretty sad though, cause this kid was supposedly mates with him for over a decade, and now it's no more for now. Will they work it out? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing I do know is Masaru doesn't have to put up with that kind of behaviour. So now he faces changes you know and it's hard for me to watch on the sidelines. His so called mates, don't involve him, don't invite him places. I worry about his friendships and who he's close to. A girl he likes, I feel is stringing him along and that makes me mad, but what can I do about it? Nothing. I have to let Masaru figure this out and be here for him if he needs me. That's it. I dunno man. I guess I know what it feels like to have this all happen to you and am sad that he has to experience the same feelings I did with toxic friends. He has other mates though and he's busy with sports and will have a summer job. He's trying his best and I'm so proud of him and who he is becoming you know. I just hope he can feel loved and supported by other kids at school. He doesn't seem to lack in the friend department as he's friends with a bunch of circles. It'd be nice if he had one good mate though and I'm not sure if he does. But again, I've got no control over that, so need to work it out inside and let it go and trust him. 

Here he is at bogus with Takeshi.

Doing a big jump of course.

Here Takeshi is giving it a go. Just those two went up together.

The one that that's pretty amazing is the relationship that they have together. Masaru doesn't mind hanging out at home and he doesn't mind hanging out with Takeshi and Yuki. They're actually really good mates and I love it. I guess that's a pretty important thing because the relationship you have with your siblings is everything you know. They really do love each other and it shows. I've always loved that about them.

Here's one last video of them up at bogus.

Emiko has a little friend called Aubrey and one day she came over and took Emiko out to a fun place for a few hours and played together. Here's some videos of that play date.

She had a great time.

We had a great children's presentation from the church that Emiko followed. It was very well done and they even had the children interactive. Here's Emiko drawing a picture. Glad she got to see it. She sang along too and has the sweetest voice. My only child that can sing on key. Love it. 

Emiko's project. Good right?

Takeshi got my mother's recipie and made this amazing chocolate cake with a sweet message to us. It was gone in a day cause all the neighbourhood kids were around. It's an excellent cake and he did an amazing job. Love it. 

Then Masaru met this girl he likes at camel'sback park and took Takeshi and his two mates the Bleazard boys with him to meet her. Here are some video's of the boys having fun.

Takeshi

Bry guy.

Then here's Masaru with his two mates at the gym trying to do a box jump. Pretty funny.

Here he is giving it another go.

Then I liked this saying so I'm putting it up here.

I hope to be like this. I think only true connection comes with being vulnerable. Unfortunately that can backfire on you with some people, but we shouldn't stop trying to make connections with those who matter most. 

I hope that Masaru can find those who matter most and stick with people who want him to be better and encourage him to do so. I hope he can hold onto his self worth and knows it doesn't come from who does or doesn't like him. It comes from within, making right choices and seeking out those around you who build you up, not tear you down. 

Presidents weekend at Puggs cabin

 So Puggs got an actual snowcat and brought it up to the cabin so we can get in whenever we want. It's pretty awesome.

Here he is teaching us the ways of the snowcat.

Here she is in action.

Beautiful right?

We all got up there safe and sound and unpacked and settled in. It was Valentines weekend as well as Puggs bday weekend. Glad to have been there.

The next day us ladies went for a snowshoe walk. It was epic.

Love these guys. So fun and the snow is always so beautiful.

Here's PUgg's awesome vehicles, the snowcat and his track car we call Rouge 1 I think or Rouge 2. I can't remember. Puggs will kill me hahahaah

Masaru and Kaleb decided to try out their skills on the snow. Here's Masaru trying his hand at a backflip.

Kaleb trying a 360.

Another backflip.

Puggs got us all roses for Valentines Day. Way nice of him. They're beautiful.

These guys being dorks.

Puggs and Dru went out into the snow as well and had some fun.

So beautiful.

Puggs documenting the trek.

Dru having some fun.

Puggs being funny.

Kids all having fun together.

Here's the game they were playing.

Cute

So cozy and comfy. Love it up at the cabin.

We ate really good food and had a blast together celebrating.

Here we are on another day's adventure.

We decorated cookies.

Even the big kids got into it.

But the littles got into it the most.

There was some awesome sledding being done by the kids as well. Puggs captured some of the great moments.

Cool right?

We really did have the best time together. It was one of my favourite trips and we really needed it. I love these guys so much and am grateful for the good times we all have together. 

Here we all are squashed in the car coming out. So fun.

Takeshi slept well that night at Grandma's house hahahaha

The next day we also ran into Topher who was doing his big test. What are the chances? So cool.